– Reena Selvaraj, Psychologist
In India, parameters for marriage are vast (caste, creed, religion, age, financial status, height, weight, family background) though the reason for it remains single ( to have an active sex life with the permission of the society). When matched to the numerous parameters, it often happens that the man or the woman end up in sacrificing the physical attraction part.
Majority are lucky enough to have been coupled up with partners who can arouse passion in just a single look or a wink. Those partners get to know what their spouses want.
The unlucky lot can be super good to stay strong with each other in their social lives but fail in bed. I am not speaking about bigger issues like early ejaculation or impotency. The issue which I speak right now may seem to be simpler, but be gruesome. The point is the partners or one of the partner fail in experiencing the lust. Since, these counts to very small issue compared to greater problems affecting health, finance or social issues, it is neglected and the partners live a choice-less life. You cannot remarry for this simple issue nor can you shelter in infidelity.
Sexologists say that visualization is a key to arouse interest.
Visualization is a technique that sexual therapist recommend for changing sexual performance in bed for those who do not feel lust from their partners– the technique “reprograms” the subconscious mind with the different ways of being in sexual situations.
In this technique, you picturise yourself making love in whatever way you imagine to be most desirable for you – in terms of time or duration, in terms of sexual pleasure, in whatever your ideal parameters around making love are, you need to visualize them in great detail. Most importantly, visualize that you are in bed with a person whom you really seek for – the person need not be real.
Visualize scenes you wish to create as though it is already present in your life and add as much colour and imagery as possible, using all your senses to accentuate the reality of the scene. Let your imagery be in present tense.
Visualizing in this way helps in of psychologically changing for many people – and it’s certainly a powerful way of reprogramming your subconscious mind with a different way of operating in any situation, not only sexual situations.
On a survey done by a renowned psychiatrist from South India, the participants majority falling in the reproductive gender, said that they did not feel the need of visualisation or imagination or fantasizing.
A participant said, “ I believe, we enjoy our sex life very much and we do experiment also, despite my physical limitations. But, I am far too conscious about my body, at times. The sagging boobs, the bloated tummy, the fat thighs, all and more make me feel bad. I don’t know how much of a visual treat I am to him. So, I don’t know if he visualizes himself to be with somebody else, who’s sexy, slim and flexible.. I don’t know. For me, in the throes of passion, I have to call out his name.. I have feel on my body and soul that it’s him.. Else, sex is not complete. So no visualization for me. May be because, I guess, I am sure that nobody would be able to put up with a body like mine, as much as he can!”
Another added, “I practice visualisation for sexual arousal. It won’t work if I visualise a known person. It has to be characters and situations that I create. My brain is my most important sex organ. “
“As you get older, it is usual to get bored or loose interest in the same flesh. So imagining something or someone during sex is not going to ruin anything. As far as it doesn’t harm someone, it is okay to visualize. Visualization doesn’t always mean that you do not love your spouse. It is a way to stay afresh during intercourse, that helps relations stay strong.”, opines a retired professor.
Mind is the core of any emotion, let alone lust. Training your mind to the way it wants can benefit your life for better.